Tuesday 5 March 2013

The Big Sleep


A dear friend asked me today if I was depressed.  She had noticed among other things for the last little while I was not my usual ‘shiny self’. And, I had to stop and think about it.  Yes, I confess I’ve had ‘the blues’ in recent times, which I put down to a rather large amalgamation of life’s stresses, but then I realized ­I have lost all motivation, tenacity and joy that I usually hold in great reserves.

I’m not entirely sure why I am depressed.

Perhaps it’s the stress of life.

Perhaps it’s the emotional deluge of bad choices made recently.  Despite all the signposts beckoning me for caution, I ploughed ahead with gleeful abandon.  

NO one wants to feel the sting of rejection, especially when they’ve put themselves out there.  I just want to be loved.  Is this such a hard task? People are forever telling me how wonderful I am.  How beautiful I am.  How lovely I am.  How kind I am.  How thoughtful I am.   Some even go as far to say what a wonderful partner I’d make.  Yet none of these things have equated to a companion.  To someone who actually wants to spend life with me.  Who values me.  Loves me.  Wants me.  Treasures me. 

What is wrong with me?


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